So Unpretty

MTV's unintenional new comedy

2010-01-05T18:52:00.003-05:00

I don't think that MTV set out to make Teen Mom into a comedy show; but due to my fave character (hands down best mullet EVA), Butch, this show is friggin' hilarious & has quickly become my second favorite MTV show - after Jersey Shore, of course. Here's why:

Happy New Year!!!!

2010-01-05T18:18:00.003-05:00

Typically, with the arrival of the New Year comes the expectation to make resolutions. So far, I've only come up with a few. Here they are, in no particular order:

1) Be less bitchy, when appropriate
2) Be more bitchy, when appropriate
3) Read more (I'm leaving this responsibility in the hands of the SoUnpretty bookclub)
4) Blog more (we only had 91 posts this past year, which is sad :( )
5) Make a "to-do" list in time for my 30th b-day ( which is 5 years away :) )
6) Hug more
7) Say "I love you" to people I genuinely care about
8) Stop saying "I love you" due to peer pressure & social norms.

That's it for now. How about you? Happy 2010!

Don't be surprised if you feel the urge to buy a Cadillac after listening to this song....

2009-12-17T05:19:00.002-05:00

Because it's the same song that's been in all of the Cadillac SRX commercials. I love hearing it in my car, even if it's not some over-priced Caddy. My friend saw this group perform live & loved them.

I'll try to make this the last music video post for this week, but I'm not making any promises.

My Golden Globe Award winner predictions

2009-12-16T11:34:00.001-05:00

The official nomination list was released yesterday (http://www.goldenglobes.org/nominations/year/2009/); however here are my predictions:

Best Drama - The Hurt Locker.

Best Actress in a Drama - Gabourey Sidibe (Precious).

Best Actor in a Drama - Morgan Freeman ( seems like a no brainer); however, I loved Tobey Maguire in Brothers.

Best Movie, Musical or Comedy -
The Hangover hands down will probably win, but I'm not ruling out 500 Days of Summer.

Best Performance by an actress, Musical or Comedy- Meryl Streep, even though I like Marion Cotillard.

Best Performance by an actor, Musical or Comedy - Robert Downey, Jr. It just seems to be his year. Love him. Maybe even more than my beloved Matty.

Best performance by an actor in a television series, drama- Jon Hamm. He might be facing some stiff competition by Michael C. Hall, though.

Best TV series- tie between 30 Rock, Glee & Modern Family.

Best TV actress - Edie Falco

Best TV supporting actor - Neil Patrick Harris.

Those are just my predictions (or more like a wish list) of whom I think should win in a few categories. We'll see if I was right or not on January 17th! What do you think?

Damn, I like this song, too...

2009-12-14T18:54:00.003-05:00

Despite my best efforts not to like this song, mainly because 1) it's silly & 2) P.Diddy seems to have his paws on it and I don't want to have anything to do with this jackass who comes to the defense of Tiger Woods and Chris Brown; I have to admit that I find it catchy.

My fave pop Christmas Songs

2009-12-14T18:15:00.003-05:00

Like many of you, recently my free time has been consumed with Christmas shopping. This inevitably means that I'm frequently in and out of many retail stores. As a former retail employee (over 5 years spent in retail, to be exact), I know that from Black Friday until December 26th, shoppers & employees alike will be bombarded with Christmas music as they shop. Particularly, "Christmas classics" re-done by current pop stars.

One particular store that I've been in & out of on my lunch breaks is T.J. Maxx. Now, I can handle Mariah Carey Christmas songs. I can tolerate late '90s/early '00s boy band Christmas music. I can even swallow Britney & Christina. But, I will not, cannot bear to hear Jessica Simpson! Twice in one week, I heard her singing Christmas classics. I can't even recall which songs they were 'cause I was too busy envisioning taking a T-stand to my eardrums! Surely, this is not the desired effect that T.J.Maxx had in mind from their shoppers? I thought that all stores, except grocery stores, picked music that they hoped would entice the shopper, not send them running in droves out of the store! Jess' breathy,over-the-top, under-talented, desperately trying to sound sexy singing is just too much.

On the plus side, I've heard two of my fave pop Christmas songs in recent weeks. These songs cause me to stop whatever I'm doing & spontaneously start busting a move. Make fun of me if you want, but I love U2's Baby Please Come Home & Wham's Last Christmas.

Admit it. You love it, too.

Christmas Peeps!?!

2009-12-14T18:09:00.003-05:00

I had no idea that such a thing existed until I saw it in the ACME grocery flyer. I, personally, can't stand Peeps regardless of the season. They're a bit too sugary-sweet for my liking; however Mr. Cynical once had a roommate that was obsessed & meticulous about his Easter Peeps. He insisted that after you buy Peeps, you stow them away in a cabinet somewhere. And then, after they've reached their optimum point of staleness, you devour their deliciousness. Yech. Totally not for me. However, if you're a fan, start scouring your local grocery store shelves before the season's passed!

All I want for Christmas...

2009-12-14T09:19:00.001-05:00

Well, maybe not all, but definitely at the top of my list. I love the color purple & I really love my CrackBerry. Combine these two things & I've gotta have it.

So, if you're thinking to yourself "what would be the perfect gift for miz cynical, whom I love so dearly"? And, come on, who hasn't? Now you have an answer.

Just 'Cause It's Tuesday....

2009-12-08T06:47:00.001-05:00

I've decided that I like this Estelle song 'cause it puts a smile on my face & makes me want to do a little happy dance. Hence, I'm going to share it with you.

Ewww...maybe CBS cares a little too much?!?

2009-12-01T06:26:00.003-05:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

In my half-asleep state last night, I saw this commercial on CBS & assumed that I couldn't have heard this correctly. But, I checked it out & believe it or not, CBS feels that the best Christmas gift that you can give to the special woman in your life is to gently, yet firmly inform her that she should get a pap smear. CBS has a whole website devoted to explaining just how and (most importantly) why they decided to embark on such a fervent "smear" campaign. Oh, to be a mistletoe hanging in the living room of the guy that suggests such a thing on Christmas Day!

Their poor ugly unborn children

2009-11-11T09:28:00.001-05:00

For you Mad Men & SNL fans, you are probably familiar with Fred Armisen and Elizabeth Moss. I didn't realize until their recent nuptials that they were even a couple. However, once I learned of it, to me, they somehow seem to fit as a couple. Kinda like the nerdy couple that you knew in high school.

I think that Elizabeth can be attractive at times (definitely not when she's on Mad Men, though, which has to be Matthew Weiner's intent), but Fred Armisen? Yuck, no way! To each's own, I guess.

Here's another interesting tidbit about Lizzy- did you know that she was in Girl, Interrupted? And, she's a Scientologist? Me neither!

Well, congrats to Elizabeth on her recent marriage and to Peggy for standing up to Don!

This is Totally Terry Ruggles in About 5 Years

2009-09-25T05:08:00.003-04:00

If you've ever watched NBC 10 in the morning, you know that Terry Ruggles is becoming increasingly senile while still thinking that he's amusing. I've watched him say some really random & weird stuff while poor Aditi Roy has uncomfortably tried to segue the conversation back to the news.

Given what this newscaster did a few weeks ago, I could totally see Terry pulling the same thing if he forgets to take his old man pills one morning.

I think Coca Cola put the 'coke' back in

2009-09-23T08:24:00.001-04:00

If you're as addicted to Coke Zero as I am, you know what I mean. I've always preferred Dt. Pepsi over Dt. Coke 'cause it tasted better. The "aspartame-y" taste of Dt. Coke only served to remind me what I was missing out on. Coke Zero really tastes like original Coke.

But, a few months ago, I decided to give Coke Zero a try and I'm hooked. I just can't get enough of it. If I'm getting fast food, I'm disappointed if the place doesn't have it. I've even asked for it at restaurants. They seriously need to start selling that over Dt. Coke!

So, if you haven't tried Coke Zero yet, I suggest that you do.

Isn't He Dreamy?

2009-09-17T06:21:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, while watching ESPN, Tony Gonzalez appeared on screen. My hubby reminded me that I happen to have a huge crush on him. I couldn't remember saying such a thing, so I googled him hoping that some pics would help jog my memory of who he is & why I happen to have a crush on him. Well, after my extensive research I confirmed what I already knew, which is that he's a football player (and yes, he's a tight end, ha-ha), but I still can't remember if there's any particular reason that I have a crush on him.

Oh, well. Does any woman really need a reason? In the meantime, here's someone pretty to look at.

Apparently, there really is a Parents of the Year Award...

2009-09-16T06:07:00.002-04:00

And these fuckers won it. If you're like most people, at some point in your life you've muttered the phrase "Parents of the Year" in a sarcastic fashion. Usually, against people whose parenting is so atrocious there's no way in hell they would win such an award if one were actually given out.

Well, keep an eye on the sky today for pigs flying 'cause not only is there such an award but the Fugglars or Duggars or whatever the fuck their in-bred constantly breeding names are, just won it. No, I don't know whether or not The Parents' Day Council are 1) punking us; 2) consists of mouth-breathing multiple breeders; 3) consists of stoners that think this is the funniest shit ever. What I am pretty certain of is that someone was experiencing a Whitney Houston/Amy Wino-type high on some pure,uncut, unadulterated BS when they came up with this fuckery.

The Fugglars have gotten way too much press and attention (thanks TLC!) as it is for reproducing like horny, freaky bunnies. However, in Michelle Fugglars defense, I don't think that she intentionally gets pregnant anymore. I think her ovaries are already hanging outside of her body from giving birth so many times. I think she puts them in a wheelbarrow beside here when she walks around. So, the last dozen times that she became pregnant, I think it happened 'cause she accidentally rolled over into some semen left over from her husband's wet dream & before she knew it - preggers-!

I think the best way to combat this is for the media to start turning on these people & treating them like the Gosselins. Only then will they retreat to the background, like the kids that you never picked on your team to play with for a dodgeball game. And then, when the teacher made you put the freaks on your team, you mercilessly beat the crap out of them with that medicine/dodgeball. It's the only way that famewhores like this will learn. And,yep, it all comes back to grade school.

Fisher Price has just invented a toy to help "out" your son

2009-09-16T05:53:00.002-04:00

Ok, so once you get over the fact that Fisher Price's Elmo Tickle Hands sounds like something your kiddie-touching Uncle Chuck would use for your "special time" together, the concept behind this toy seems like a great tool to help out a parent's gaydar.

I love how in the commercial both boys and girls are having fun with this toy. In reality, this is pretty damn lame. They're just gloves with Elmo's face on it. Also, if you were to really give this "toy" to a kid, the only kid that should use it is a girl. In the commercial, they try to use "hip-hop" Elmo to somehow give it street cred so that it can appeal to boys. I think not. If you were to give this toy to your son, how soon do you think it'll take for him to use them as jazz hands? Then, whammo! You've just figured out that you're son is gay.

On the other hand, if I had these "Tickle Hands" when I was a kid, I would've been able to figure out my childhood friend, Craig, a lot sooner. Instead, I had to endure countless hours of complicated dance routines to Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth & Samantha Fox to arrive at the same conclusion that I would've arrived at if Craig just had a pair of Elmo's "Tickle Hands"/jazz hands. What? Don't look at me that way! I was 8! Excuse me if I didn't have a finely-tuned gaydar at that age!

The Cure Cures All

2009-09-15T08:14:00.001-04:00

I knew it! Recently Lady GaGa did an interview (http://www.dlisted.com/node/33780) claiming that while she did her coke binge, she listened to The Cure 'cause she found their music soothing. Minus the coke part, I totally agree. I could listen to "Pictures of You" all day. What's your fave Cure song?

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US Open 2009 in review Part III: DONE

2009-09-15T08:02:00.001-04:00

Well, it's been an interesting Open. This year was definitely the year of upsets. Last night at the gym I discovered a group of closet tennis fans. Many tvs above the exercise machines were tuned to the match.

I'm upset that Nadal lost in the qtr. finals, but more importantly, that I didn't have more time to see his cute tush bouncing around the court.

Serena lost her shit at some lines woman which was hilarious. I could completely understand her point. It was a bs call. You try hitting a 125 mph ace that's a match point!

And the most upsetting part of all was my other bf, Roger Federerrrr losing to some 20 year old, Del Potro.
Oh, well. Hopefully, I'll be able to go next year so that I can cheer on all my faves!

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2009 U.S. Open Review, Part II: Serena's Lucky Outfit

2009-09-09T20:40:00.002-04:00

Also, on the night that Serena made her entrance into the U.S. Open, she was wearing this great outfit. It's nice to know that I'm not the only player that likes to match! Once you stop staring at her amazing biceps, you can see that her outfit matched perfectly, head-to-toe. From the purple headband, to the black dress with purple bloomers down to the fug retro Nike's, my girl looked good. Even though I hate those retro, gaudy high-top style sneakers that Nike is insisting on cramming down our throats this season, it did complement her outfit well. Now, I just have to hop on over to www.tenniswarehouse.com to see if I can get the same thing on sale!

2009 U.S. Open Review, Part 1: Celebs Spotted at the Open

2009-09-09T20:29:00.003-04:00

Ok, so this isn't going to be like your typical U.S. Open coverage, where I analyze game stats & athleticism. Nope, these posts will be devoted entirely to everything but that - fashion, celebs, romance, and whatever else happens to strike my fancy.

A few days ago, during the Serena Williams & some other girl that she was using as target practice match, both Common (Serena's bf) & Jeremy Piven were in attendance. Did anyone catch Mary Jo Fernandez's interview with the "Piv"? OMG. He looked like he was flying high on the good shit. At some point during the match, the camera focused in on him watching the game and I could've sworn he was swatting at invisible fairies flying around him, I shit you not.

Anyway, some other celebs that I've seen were Alec Baldwin (who was just caught on camera tonight picking something from his teeth. Embarrassing!), Sienna Miller, Donald & Melania Trump, Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban, Kim Cattrall and Will Farrell. So, check it out. It's what all the cool kids are doing.

So Let Me Get This Straight...

2009-09-09T08:42:00.000-04:00

We just finished an 8-year presidency, during which most Americans questioned whether or not Bush had even finished grade school, and now we have a highly-educated President who is trying to place a huge emphasis on the value of education at the start of a new school year(smartypants FlipFlop Girl & Beanorama can dissect whether or not I correctly capitalized president). Also, keep in mind that the US historically ranks behind many other countries when it comes to basic reading, writing and math skills. The kicker? The backlash is at our current President, Barack Obama!

Yes, yesterday Pres. Obama spoke at some school with an oh-so-controversial speech that was supposed to be televised to all of the nation's school children. Prior to his speech, there was much hoopla & discussion as to whether or not he was going to use this as an opportunity to push his health care agenda, etc.

I don't know about you, but I'm so effing sick and tired of the dumb asses that are opposed to anything Obama suggests, even if it's the most logical thing to do, that they come across as even dumber.

Get the fuck over it. Your guy lost. This summer, it was Health Care reform. This fall, it's Hitler's Youth Redux. It's funny that this type of person would be opposed to Obama speaking to their children 'cause one would think that that same type of person would be opposed to sex-ed being taught to their kid. Speaking of sex-ed, it's amazing that some of these dumb asses even figured out where their fuck parts are located so that they could reproduce and create even more dumb asses.

Every time I try to imagine what the mind set is of the person that thinks this way, my jaw involuntarily juts out and my voice takes on a slight twang. I can't ponder in this fashion for long, though, 'cause my brain goes into a mini- aneurysm and the only thing that can make me come to is the smell of something fried wafting under my nose. Like, deep fried Oreo cookies, or something.

So, to the dumb asses of our country that never heard the adage " today's youth are tomorrow's future", I guess my revenge may take a while to come into fruition, but one day, in about 20 yrs. or so, these same parents will be on the news complaining that they can't get their loser ass kids to leave the nest 'cause their kids never learned how much it costs to live in the real world. Why? Because they never placed an emphasis on the value of an education!

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My Fall 2009 picks Part 1: nail color

2009-09-01T08:58:00.001-04:00

It's that time of year again when I blog about random things (movies, makeup, tv, fashion,etc.) that I think are trends to look out for this season. First up is nail polish. I love new nail colors 'cause it's such an easy & inexpensive way to treat yourself.

Even though I love summer, I'm always excited for the colors of fall. After years of "French manicure, please". I've finally embraced the richness of dark polish. As spring arrived, I regretted having to re-introduce lighter colors back into my beauty routine.

But alas, fall has returned and I can get back to my love affair with dark polish. So far, I've tried OPI's No Spain No Gain (oh, and who's job is it to come up with nail color names? I would love that job!) and love it. It's a nice berry color. I'm also eager to try out Essie's gray color, since I've never worn that color before.

So, I suggest that you try either of the collections and let me know what you think!

I Read an Article on Endometriosis & Now I Think that I Might Have It. Does That Make Me a Hypochondriac?

2009-09-01T06:17:00.003-04:00

I was reading this article in Fitness magazine over the weekend and realized that I have at least 1 if not more symptoms of endometriosis - fatigue.

Not surprisingly, this isn't the first disorder or disease that I suspect that I may have due to watching a show or reading an article about it. In grade school, after watching an episode of Oprah about eating disorders, I thought that I had one of those, too. Even though I was very healthy at the time. At some point I thought I was diabetic, then my brother told me that the symptoms that I thought I was experiencing were the exact opposite of what someone with diabetes would experience.

After seeing a commercial for Yaz, I thought I had PMDD. Symptoms? I'm usually bitchy from about Monday morning to Thursday around 3:30 p.m. I think that I need a prescription for Cymbalta, based on the PMDD that I described above and the fact that I have a hard time getting out of bed for work. Hey, depression is being unable to do things that you normally do. And it hurts. ADD/ADHD - I can't focus when I'm at work. And, according to the commercial, that's one of the symptoms! I just have adult ADD/ADHD. OCD - I'm obsessed & zero in on things that annoy me. I may not wash my hands a million times or turn the light off & on a million times before leaving a room. But I'm still obsessed with certain things. Hoarding - I hold onto magazines and catalogs forever.

So, maybe those things make me sound like a hypochondriac, but I think that it just sounds like someone who's concerned about their health. I still think that I'm going to talk to someone about the endo-thingy 'cause....why not, right?

Boo if you're not watching this...

2009-08-31T12:01:00.001-04:00

http://m.bravotv.com/inf/infomo;JSESSIONID=57EAD2089AFE559F838C.493?site=bravo&view=page90058&id=Bravo_7d0b6d8e

You need to get checked! I'm ashamed to admit how much I enjoy the shit storm that is Real Housewives of Atlanta. Scenes like this are priceless. She-man, er, Sheree has a fashion show coming up and I'm sure that there are more fireworks like this one to come!

Demetri Martin- hot or ugly hot?

2009-08-31T11:18:00.001-04:00

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I may have to add a different category for Demetri - nerdy hot. I think that he's friggin' adorable. If you've ever watched his show on Comedy Central, I'd think you'd agree. Right now, you can check him out in Woodstock, which hit theaters on Friday. What do you think?

Musically-Challenged

2009-08-28T09:57:00.001-04:00

So, I recently heard Busta's Pass the Courvoisier on the car & realized that I would love to own this song (also kinda surprised that I didn't already own it knowing how much the hubby loves some Busta). When I got home, I eagerly hopped onto my Itunes to purchase THE BEST DANCE SONG EVER and to my dismay, Itunes doesn't have it! WTF?

There I was, hopeless and helpless. In the early days of Itunes, I remember that there were some songs or artists that weren't avail on Itunes, but I thought that since then everything mainstream was avail. I haven't bought a CD in years.

What's a girl to do today if she wants music? I just recently stumbled across Amazon's MP3 store (which downloads music into your Itunes library) which not only had the Busta song, but also Paramore's Decode, DHT's Listen To Your Heart. Both of these songs were unavail on Itunes.

I'm hoping that Amazon's store is the answer to my happy feet prayers and a good alternative. I'll keep you posted.

A shower gel worthy of my gym bag

2009-08-27T16:18:00.001-04:00

Don't let the title fool you. I'm very fond of Caress's Tahitian Renewal shower gel. This is the shower gel that I keep in my gym bag for a post- workout shower. I'm so fond of it in fact, that today I questioned whether or not my true motivation to go to the gym this afternoon was just for the glorious opportunity to use it.
The gel has a wonderful fragrance, smoothing pomegranate seeds and makes my skin feel awesome regardless of the constantly fluctuating shower temps and brief shower time.

So, if you have to choose a gym shower gel or just want to try something new, give this one a try.

Jonesing for some Nurse Jackie

2009-08-26T08:28:00.001-04:00

SPOILER ALERT: if you haven't seen the final epi of the season, this may ruin it! Anyway, I'm totally hooked on this show. It was like my weekly "baby doll". The episodes & season was way too short. I don't know if I can wait a year to find out the cliffhangers! Does Jackie get in trouble for the morphine? What does her hubby do when she doesn't show? Is Coop her new man/dealer? What the hell is going on with Dr. O'Hara? I hope that Zoey still stays adorable!

Am I the only one that's hooked on this show? If so, yo totally need to watch the episodes on demand so that you can get hooked too.

Your kittens are safe...for now.

2009-08-25T20:23:00.002-04:00

So, last Thursday was the premiere of Project Runway on Lifetime. I must admit, I wasn't disappointed. The show wasn't overly estrogen-y. However, there was a moment when the recovering meth addict had a tearful breakdown and confession with Tim. I felt a rumbling in my tummy. I knew that my ovaries were about to make a run for it. I gently patted my stomach, and said "whoa, girl. Easy. Let's just see what happens." Fortunately, it was a brief moment of editing weakness and soon the show was back to its fast - paced, sewing action. Whew! One of the downsides of PR being on Lifetime is that they don't spend the entire weekend playing marathons of the show in case you missed it. You'll have to catch the episode in between showings of "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger"? & "Why Does He Beat My Ass"? It's there, though. It's there.

Lindsay Lohan's appearance was pointless, in my opinion. Am I the only one who thinks that she was looking longingly after the dismissed meth addict when he was kicked off the show? I'm serious. I half expected to see her mouthing "meet me in the bathroom. Stall 3." She was seriously dead behind the eyes and has been considered a fashion catastrophe for a while. She was however, sporting her signature gross leggings. I read on another website that someone felt that she was overly harsh to the SamRo lookalike designer. Linds, totally unnecessary. LiLo should know that karma's a bitch. Pretty soon she's going to be begging to do a LMN movie of the week, if she's not already.

Anyway, I'm just grateful that the show didn't completely suck and am looking forward to the rest of the season!

Smiling with my eyes

2009-08-25T18:54:00.002-04:00

Excerpt from a convo.

The setup: I am showing off new shoes paired w. an outfit I haven't worn before.

Husband: Wow, you look cute. You look like a catalog model.

Me: Ew!

I think I watch too much Tyra...

Mo Cheeks' Picks

2009-08-24T16:10:00.002-04:00

Hello and welcome to a rare and meaningless blog post.

In this post I will share some deep and intimite knowledge, all to your benefit.

#1. One day my parents were in town, we went shopping, they bought me a dress, I decided to wear it that night but OH NO! I didn't have the correct underthings. I dashed over to Daffy's and picked up a way marked down pair of undies. They are now my most favorite things to ever clothe my bottom. Behold: Unders by Beyonce. (real name: Dereon Intimates Seamless Boyshort Panty)

I know, I know. Beyonce and the "clothing" line she created with her mother is the sh!ts but seriously, these bad boys are SO comfortable and never, ever ride up. No lines!! Word.

#2. My wedding was a few weeks ago and it was hot as balls. In the 90s, high humidity. Every few minutes I stopped to ask a friend, loved one or strange caterer, "Is my face shiny?!?" (I was paranoid.) After 12 hours of makeup and plenty hours of sweating my face never glistened (unless with sweet, beautiful tears, naturally) because I was wearing the most amazing powder known: Make Up Forever HD Microfinish Powder. Just go put down the $30 and buy it. It will change your life.

That's all for this year's edition of Mo Cheeks' Tips! Hope you enjoyed my gratuitous oversharing!

Lifetime better not let me down.

2009-08-20T18:34:00.004-04:00

So, tonight's the premiere of the long-awaited new season of Project Runway! Just who has been waiting for the return, you ask? Well, me, of course! And, any of you other people that may like it. Like most people with brass balls or a heart of stone, I'm very hesitant that the show moved to the channel Where Female Actresses Go To Die.

I'm hoping that now that it's on this chick flick network that it hasn't changed and that its new home hasn't made it all "estrogen-y.". What I mean is, I want my judges to still be the same. Tim Gunn to still be bitchy yet sympathetic, Michael Kors to still be just plain bitchy, Heidi Klum to still be unintelligible, and Nina Garcia to be well...Nina Garcia (why is she there again?).

From what I saw on the commercials, they promoted the show by saying that you could log on to (holding back the vom), MyLifetimeTV.com to get the back stories on the designers. What back stories? I swear to you SoUnpretty readers on all that is holy that if Lifetime has taken an awesome show & made it all estrogen-y, my ovaries will leap out of my body, punch me in the face with a dildo & then take a flying leap out of a high-rise window.

If the "back stories" of these designers reads like a Saturday afternoon movie marathon, like, My Husband Beats My Ass & I'm a Talented Fashion Designer, then you'd better watch out because that kind of fuckery will cause me to punch kittens in the face.

So, here's to hoping that the show has remained the same at the very least and has maybe even improved a bit. We'll see at 10 p.m.....

Hollywood Really Needs To Be Stopped.

2009-08-20T06:07:00.003-04:00

Well, they've gone & done it again. Taken a perfectly classic movie from the '80s & are now trying to fuck it up. In case you haven't heard, ABC is going to make a series from the movie. Topher Grace, from That 70s show, is behind this latest fuckery. Topher, I knew there was a reason why the other actors on that show didn't like you. And it's probably because of shit like this.

I'm really starting to get tired of this nonsense. Hollywood is really starting to ruin the '80s for me. And, if you're thinking to yourself "what do I care if they redo some '80s movies?", just remember this: you didn't say anything when Hollywood decided they were going to re-do Heathers. You didn't say anything when Hollywood decided they were going to re-do Transformers. And, you didn't say anything when Hollywood decided they would re-do the Terminator. But, one day soon, I promise you, Hollywood will come after some 80's favorite of yours that you hold near & dear to your heart. And then what will you do?

I feel that this is an issue that we should be able to contact our local congressman or senator or something. After seeing that awful copy & paste PhotoShop job that they did to Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator this past summer, I would think that he would be leading the charge in this movement. Nah, between his brain being fried due to his 'roid-filled career and having to look at his Crypt Keeper lookalike wife everyday, he probably doesn't know what the hell's going on.

Ok. So there you have it. Let's see if there's something that we can do together to preserve what I'm going to call the "Save the '80s" movement so that we can collectively have nonsense like this stopped.

R.I.P. John Hughes

2009-08-12T20:51:00.004-04:00

Last week, we lost a great director, John Hughes. John Hughes was most known for his movies that related to the typical American teenager's experience, such as Sixteen Candles and the Breakfast Club (however, I still love Uncle Buck!). Due to his wonderfully shot movies, I also fell in love with the city of Chicago, or I guess more accurately, the fictional city Shermer, IL. Due to Home Alone, I thought all houses looked that way.

John's movies have impacted many generations, not just 80s teenagers and are timeless. Remember the JCPenney back to school commercial from a few years ago that mimicked the Breakfast Club? I recently read an article about Hughes and one of the commenters (not me, I swear!) said "I was class of '89, and black, female, and Southern to boot, and I felt Hughes said much about my generation. No one filmmaker (or author, or musician, or artist) can capture everything there is about every individual within a generation, but Hughes captured a fairly broad array. He left out the punks, and the blacks, and the Southerners. But he still said a lot."

The themes of John's movies were multi-generational and cross-cultural. Even his movie soundtracks are memorable. I think I knew about the Simple Minds' Don't You Forget About Me song before I ever saw the movie. John, a self-described high school outcast, often took that perspective for his protagonist in portraying characters but never in a condescending, out of touch, cliched fashion of an adult who can't remember or empathize with the teenage experience. Molly Ringwold looked like the typical American girl, not like the over the top, 16 year old with breast implants characters that dominate current teen movies. Anthony Michael Hall looked every bit of the nerd. Unlike the 35 yr. olds that they cast as teenagers today in movies.

He vividly (and with the same awkwardness that a teen experiences) captured that time in our lives when everything seems so confusing and complicated only to realize in later years how absolutely trivial those things were & to almost longingly wish that our current concerns were as simple as our previous years and selves.

The exception to this is of course, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Ferris Bueller's character was the popular kid, but I still feel as though anyone can relate to his character regardless of what their social class may have been in high school. We've all have a Ferris Bueller's Day Off at some point in our lives.

So, hopefully, TBS or TNT will run a marathon of John's movies soon. If not, I recommend that we all get re-acquainted with some of his movies as a remembrance. I, for one, have never seen Planes, Trains, and Automobiles from beginning to end. So, that's one for my movie queue!

Below is a clip of a spoof of John Hughes-esque movies that came out in 2001, Not Another Teen Movie. If you look closely at the coach's jacket, they go to JHHS - John Hughes High School. What's your favorite John Hughes movie or movie scene?

Go Ahead - Drink Bacardi & Eat Pasta Like It's Your Birthday!

2009-08-03T20:20:00.002-04:00

Over the weekend, I saw a SNL repeat of Andy Samberg dressed up like the Cathy cartoon doing typical Cathy-esque stuff. I couldn't help but remember a few years ago when Beanorama mentioned that while she was at lunch with some PR associates, the woman encouraged her to go ahead & "eat those carbs! She deserved it, it was her birthday, after all!" To which Beanorama responded (in the confines of her office) who says these things? Is she (or any other woman) like some human Cathy character that goes into some kind of meltdown at the sight of potentially fattening food? If so, God help us all.

So, with that in mind, I think that Andy's impression is hilarious, but helps us to remember how pathetic Cathy would be if she were truly a real person.

Take that, Tom Cruise!

2009-07-30T06:49:00.001-04:00

Have you seen all of the commercials that Brooke Shields is in lately? Her recent product peddling has led me to think that:
1) She has way too much time on her hands to visit so many doctors on a regular basis. I’ve seen her peddling products that imply that she sees her dermatologist (Coppertone), dentist (with whom she’s on a first name basis - Colgate) and optometrist (Latisse) way too frequently. She’s downright friendly with them!
2) Brooke’s trying to prove Tom Cruise is wrong about her career.
I’m curious to see what products Brooke will endorse as she gets older since right now the current crop of endorsement products are ones that a person would associate with a woman her age, such as age –defying skincare & minivans. In a few more years, will it be Polident & Depends? I guess only time will tell.

Hollywood's Success Formula

2009-07-07T05:54:00.001-04:00

Leonardo DiCaprio + Martin Scorcese = box office success. I can't wait to see this creepy, new movie & generally, I don't even like scary movies but this looks awesome.

Bad, Honda, Bad!

2009-07-06T06:37:00.002-04:00

So, not that I’m in the market for a hybrid car, but I’m kinda upset that Honda sold out on their re-design of their hybrid, Insight. The Insight’s been around for a few years & it always had it’s own unique, futuristic look.

However, with the new commercials, I ‘ve noticed a newer Insight that looks eerily similar to the Prius. For a while now, I’ve held the opinion that if I had to choose a hybrid and my only choices were the Prius, Insight or Civic, I would always choose a Honda. One of my top reasons would be Price – Toyota Prius’ are ridiculously expensive since the demand for them has gone up. And, 2) Appearance & Image – when I think of a Prius, I automatically stereotype the driver of such a vehicle. I’m sure I’m not the only one that does this. As a matter of fact, there was a South Park episode dedicated to making fun of the whole notion of Prius cars & owners. Can you think of the last time you saw a Prius without a bumper sticker that wasn’t earth/humanity/politically – related in some way? When was the last time that you saw a Prius without a bumper sticker (excluding PhillyCarShare)?

Even though Honda’s newest hybrid resembles that of the Prius, at least the price is supposed to be much less than the Prius & affordable for everyone.

Wipeout: The Only Reality Show I Want To Go On

2009-06-18T06:14:00.000-04:00

I’ve thought about reality shows that I would consider if I had to make a choice. Real World? Only if they’re going someplace fun, like Paris. Plus I’m probably too old & smart to qualify for their show. Big Brother? No. They have cameras in way too many locations throughout the house. And, you can never take your mike off. Plus, I’m not thrilled with the aspect of being away from home for a long period of time, which makes Wipeout perfect. You dedicate about a day to it & you either win 50k or you don’t.

Have you seen this show yet? It’s hilarious! The commentators make fun of the guests and the guests are completely clueless as to what they’re up against. I think that I may lose my sense of humor about the situation if it were I being punched, thrown & bounced, but it still looks fun.

Sequels That We Don’t Need

2009-06-17T06:14:00.002-04:00

Terminator, Star Trek, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Footloose, The Karate Kid. These are all movies that were great at some point & some Hollywood suit decided that they needed a sequel or to be re-made. Well, recently Winona Ryder did an interview stating that there’s been a sequel in the works for Heathers for a while.

As much as I like Winona (see post below), I pray that this sequel doesn’t see the light of the day. I just don’t think that there are any teen or early twenties actresses that can come close to pulling off the snarky angst-ridden & dark humor that’s in the movie. Who would they cast? Kristen Stewart? Hilary Duff? Lindsey Lohan? Miley Cyrus? Some Gossip Girl cast member? Am I alone in this?

Do You Remember Her?

2009-06-17T06:10:00.003-04:00

In case you don’t recognize her due to the makeup or care, it’s Winona Ryder. I saw her in Star Trek a few week ago & was very surprised. I had started to think that Winona had retired from movie making. Winona is way too talented and attractive to be playing someone’s mom in a role that was essentially just a cameo. Not that long ago, she exhibited a lot of promise with roles in Heathers, Edward Scissorhands, Age of Innocence, etc. Winona was the original “Wino”, back when Amy Winehouse was busy trying to figure out how to put crack into her pipe.

So, I couldn’t help but wonder why Winona hasn’t been in many movies in the last decade. Was her breakup with Hollywood leading men like Johnny Depp & Matt Damon too much to bear? Her former-BFF Gwyneth stealing Shakespeare in Love script didn’t drag her down, did it? The shoplifting incident? Nah. As far as Hollywood morals go, that was the equivalent of going to church & brunch with your grandma on Sunday.

Whatever the reason for her absence, here’s to hoping that her return to the big screen in Star Trek is a sign that Winona is here to stay.

It must be tough trying to stay relevant.

2009-06-16T19:41:00.002-04:00

Just when you thought that Sarah Palin would have the dignity to quietly go down in history as an answer to some pop culture or trivial pursuit question such as “who was the biggest joke in 2008?” or “what person did the Republican party think that they could put on their presidential ticket to combat the Obama storm?” ; Sarah Palin emerges from the Alaskan tundra to create a non-scandal over an inappropriate, misunderstood joke. Which is ironic, considering her entire political career could be summed up with the same description.

As you’ve surely heard, Sarah Palin is quite miffed about a joke that David Letterman made about her younger daughter, Willow-my-momma-showed-me how-to-use-some-spit-on-my baby-brthaer's-cowlick-Palin. Even though Letterman insists that the joke was aimed at Bristol-never-listened-to-the-abstinence-speech Palin, her oldest daughter. Last week, Letterman clarified his joke & apologized. Palin declined the opportunity to accept the apology & to go on his show to get the apology in person because, why not?

People are finally talking about her again so she wants to drag this out as long as possible. This week Letterman apologized again (albeit more sincerely according to some people) & Palin finally accepted it.

Whew! We can all breath a sigh of relief now! I was seriously worried about World War III happening if things didn’t straighten out ASAP with these two. I could totally see Palin giving Letterman the “Russia treatment” or better yet, pulling some backstage, back-stabbing pageant treatment. Shoo-shoo, Letterman!

Now, is it moose hunting season yet?

KGB – Worst name for a business EVER

2009-06-16T06:07:00.002-04:00

Have you seen commercials for this company called KGB (Knowledge Generation Bureau)? They’re supposed to be kind of like a 411 information system for cell phone users. I get that they purposely chose this name for shock value, I just question to what extent that they want to shock people. The first time that I saw a commercial, I just thought that it was done in very bad taste. The commercials usually show people rushing around dressed in black on a mission to get information. On the website, it even asks if one has what it takes to be a special agent, which to me just reinforces the idea that some genius thought that their approach would be hilarious & edgy.

One generally doesn’t conjure up funny images or thoughts when you think of the KGB in the traditional sense. I think of spying, work camps, Siberia, lack of privacy, etc. I’m surprised that in this day and age, there isn’t some Survivors of the KGB or Children/Grandchildren of KGB victims group or something that’s opposed to this blatant *wink, wink* disregard to actual victims of the KGB. If you’ve ever seen the movie The Lives of Others, it gives you a real sense of what having your life spied upon is truly like.

Touch of Pride

2009-06-10T06:25:00.002-04:00

I’m proud of myself ‘cause I completely finished my previous shower gel, Neutrogena’s Rainbath Deep Moisture before moving on to a new shower gel, Nivea’s Touch of Harmony. I don’t think that I’ve ever done that before! Usually, I get tired of the scent by the time it gets down to the bottom of the package or I get tired of shaking the gel once it gets down to the bottom of the package. Then, I’ll go out shopping, something new will strike my fancy & I’ll wind up buying that.

Anyway, I love this new shower gel. It smells great, lathers really well (without a pouf) & really does make my skin feel softer. I wanted to try their Touch of Radiance for the fragrance, but it’s advertised as having “a touch of sparkle”. I’ve tried a lotion that was similar & there were sparkles all over my clothes. Considering I’m an adult, the idea of having glittery sparkles all over just makes me feel like a 12 yr. old. So, as soon as I’m done with this one, (and I have a long way to go considering I have to tear through 16.9 oz.) I may move onto another fragrance, maybe Touch of Happiness?

Lashes Blasted? Meh.

2009-06-09T06:00:00.001-04:00

So, I finally tried Cover Girl’s Lash Blast mascara. Based on the recommendation of a co-worker’s sister, I thought that it would be worth a try to see if it could beat out my trusty Maybelline Great Lash. However, when I went to buy it I saw that it costs more than Maybelline & was just too expensive for something that may or may not live up to its claims. Besides, whenever I think of Cover Girl, I think of “my first makeup” – you know, the brand that you were loyal to when you were first learning how to apply & wear makeup at like, 12 or something.
Anyway, ACME had a buy 1, get 1 free sale last week (which I thought was finally a good deal) & I took the plunge. Verdict? Meh. It’s not awful, nor is it better than my Maybelline standby. Basically, if it’s on sale again, I’d buy it. But, I certainly won’t go out of my way to buy it since it didn’t make a tremendous difference or improvement over my regular mascara.

Do You Remember This Jackass?

2009-06-08T18:42:00.002-04:00

Here's a sickeningly-sweet article that both satirizes and annoys about the country's second famous baby daddy, Levi Johnston.

Where’s My Oatmeal?

2009-06-08T18:33:00.001-04:00

For about 2 years now, I’ve been eating Quaker Oats Simple Harvest Oatmeal. It’s supposed to be all-natural, but what matters to me is that it’s delicious. It costs more than Quaker Oats’ regular oatmeal, but I became loyal & hooked to the brand because every box contained $1 off coupon for your next purchase.

However, lately, I’ve noticed that the coupons began to disappear inside the boxes and the products have disappeared from the shelves. There were accompanying granola bars by the same name, but I haven’t seen those, either on the shelves at the grocery store. I’ve been to 2 or 3 different ACMEs and a Genaurdis. Quaker Oats’ website still advertises Simple Harvest, so I’m assuming it’s still a product that they make.

This week I’m finally giving their traditional flavors a try, but I’m not pleased. 1) The new flavor has about 30 - 40 additional calories that the all-natural one didn’t have and 2) the flavor just doesn’t taste the same. I’m so miffed about this that I may have to take it straight to the top & get Mr. Quaker Oats on the phone to explain this.

Surprise, surprise. Nia Vardalos’ New Movie Is About (what else)…Greece.

2009-06-08T06:15:00.001-04:00

So, it’s been a while since we’ve seen Nia Vardalos on the big screen. Just in case you don’t remember her, Nia burrowed her way into America’s hearts about 5 years ago with her indie-flick that became a huge hit, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was about a plain Jane girl that has a quirky Greek family, meets her dreamboat, falls in love, lives happily ever after, blah, blah, blah. The movie even spawned a tv show. The show subsequently was canned after the nostalgia for the movie wore off. Since then, I don’t think that Nia’s been in much of anything. Now comes along this movie. I imagine that it’s going to be the same formulaic rom-com dialogue with the only saving grace being the beautiful scenery of Greece.

Adventures in Suburbia, Part III: The Inefficiency of Direct Mail Marketing

2009-06-03T06:21:00.001-04:00

In the two years that I’ve owned my home, I’ve received about half a dozen direct mail pieces and about 3 voicemails regarding homes for sale. What’s the problem with this? Well, as it turns out, these homes were in my neighborhood & in one recent instance, only 4 houses down from mine! This new home is actually an example of one that was sent to me the other day. It’s around the corner from my house.

If I were in the market for a new home, wouldn’t I seek out a realtor & listings? Isn’t it awfully presumptuous to think that not only am I in the market for a new home, but I want one right down the street (or around the corner) from where I currently live!?! If anything, these mailers are making me aware of how much money I can get for my own home when I eventually put it on the market.

I’m curious as to just how successful this method has been. And, if it hasn’t been very successful, could some marketing person in a real estate office figure it out and stop sending these materials?

Blind Vice - Hayden Panettiere?

2009-06-02T06:15:00.002-04:00

Ted Casablanca at E!Online posted his weekly Blind Vice. I'm guessing that this may be our very own pint-sized cheerleader hero, Hayden Panettiere. What do you think?

For The ‘80s Music Fans….

2009-06-02T06:13:00.002-04:00

Depeche Mode not only has a new album coming out, but also an upcoming tour. They’ll be at the Borgata in AC on August 1st, however; the ticket price is a little steep ($125/person for general admission) so I think that I’ll have to enjoy this comeback via my Ipod.

For The Real Housewives of NJ Fans…

2009-06-01T06:12:00.002-04:00

For fans of this show, we all suspect that each of the housewives or their spouses are involved in some shady business. So far, Danielle has been the only one called out on it. Here’s some confirmation that she definitely has a shady past and foreshadowing for Tuesday's episode.

Does AlltheRage Moonlight as a Real Estate Agent?

2009-05-29T05:53:00.002-04:00

While I was bored at work recently, I happened to be house shopping & came across this picture of a realtor that suspiciously resembles one of our very own SoUnpretty contributors. What do you think?

Once Desirable Vacation Destinations

2009-05-29T05:46:00.002-04:00

Not that I can afford a vacation to either of these two places in this economy, but at one point, in the not too distant past, I fantasized about visiting these two warm & exotic locales – Hawaii & St. Lucia. Now my vacation dreams have been downgraded to vacationing in Wilcox, PA & Ellicuttville, NY. (DON’T ASK! ) However, recent photos have surfaced of some infamous celebs vacationing in these spots & I’ve had to rethink my view of these places.

Amy Winehouse was spotted frolicking in the waves (how the clear, turquoise water didn’t turn brown afterwards is beyond me) & doing crackie-esque yoga poses at the very same all-inclusive resort that I want to stay at! Ugh! On one hand, I guess I should be flattered that a celebrity would want to stay at the same resort that I fancied, but on the other hand – can’t she afford more than an AI – style vacay? And, as far as I’m concerned, the hotel staff would not be able to clean the room & linens well enough for me to consider staying in the same room or even on the same floor as such an obvious biohazard.

As though it wasn’t bad enough that one wintertime fantasy wasn’t ruined, there were photos of Paris Hilton galloping through the sun & sand in Hawaii with her newest beau. Double Ugh! Like, did the crabs on her body jump off of her & return to their real home in the ocean? She should have not been allowed near the water! Unlike with Amy, I know that 1) I can’t afford to stay wherever she’s staying & 2) I’ll never stay at a Hilton hotel again so I don’t have to worry about packing light & Lysol at my choice of hotel in Hawaii.

So, I guess it’s back to the drawing board for my potential vacay spots. I’m thinking Barbados. Hear that celebs? Stay away! Or, at least go to someplace I’ll never go, like Antartica. I hear that only a super-exclusive set hangs out over there, like endangered species and whatnot.

Hide your babies, puppies & kittens 'cause left wing liberals are going to eat them!

2009-05-26T19:13:00.003-04:00

Since Justice Souter has passed away, there has been some speculation surrounding whom the next Supreme Court judge will be. Since Obama named a nominee for Souter's successor today, there has already been heated debate about his nominee, Sonia Sotomayor. Sonia Sotomayor is a great example of representing everything that the Republican party feels to be wrong with this society. She's a trifecta of vices - female, Hispanic and intelligent. They have to be very careful,though, if they come after her too hard they're going to further alienate the same demographic - female voters, Hispanic voters, and other minority groups. They already won the intelligence battle in 2000.

Since there’s a Democrat president, all of the right wingers are going to protest in fear over the possibility that Obama’s selection is a tree-hugging, baby seal-loving, anti-domestic oil drilling, pro-gun control, morally depraved nutjob. This hysteria & sudden concern for what’s morally “right” is certainly subdued since Americans are primarily concerned about the economy, however there will still be a certain amount of fervor.

So, get ready & consider yourself warned. Here’s a great article speculating how Republicans will respond. Also, here's an informal poll that gives me some hope that Americans aren't completely off their rockers.

How Pissed Do You Think Maury Povich Is Right Now?

2009-05-21T21:39:00.003-04:00

I think Maury's probably screaming out his staff right now that he didn't get this interview first. There was some woman in Texas who had twins by two separate baby daddys. Instead of hiding in shame, she decided to broadcast it on the Today show, of course. Here it is:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Signs of the Apocalypse

2009-05-21T06:15:00.002-04:00

Alright, normally, I’m not one of those people that thinks that every catastrophe that occurs in nature or the news is a sign that the world is coming to an end, but I think that I’m onto something here. There have been a lot of signs pointing to the universe as we know it completely collapsing in on itself.
Here’s my evidence, you be the judge.
1) Heidi Montag is reportedly offered $500,000 to pose for Playboy. While worldwide, the economy is being hit by record unemployment rates, this pseudo-celeb is offered way too much money for something that she does for free - whoring herself out - everyday.

2) Spencer Pratt has a song. Remember the days of artists telling stories about how incredibly difficult it was for them to get a record exec to even listen to their demo tape, let alone a recording contract? Somehow, this non-talented jerk has managed to get into a recording studio & lay down a track. Or, maybe I’m assuming too much & this guy was able to do it using a Casio keyboard, his IMac & a boombox. This is the music that will be playing when locusts start attacking. Hell, his creepy flesh-colored beard is enough to convince me that he’s the son of Beelzebub.

3) President Barack Obama is denied an honorary degree from Arizona State University. While the country’s economy is still reeling from having a real-life version of Yosemite Sam as president for 8 years, one of the nation’s top party schools says that they feel Pres. Obama hasn’t “accomplished enough” to earn an honorary degree. Unlike celebrities like Oprah, who go from university to university every graduation season collecting honorary degrees like they’re KFC coupons or Grammys, Obama has accomplished enough academically (& hello, he’s president of the United States of America!) to be awarded an honorary degree from any university. It doesn’t matter though; Obama would probably use that degree to clean up after his dog.

So, if you don’t feel as though these aren’t signs of some very bad times, then keep your eyes peeled ‘cause I’m sure there are more signs just around the corner!

P.S. - I hope the clip that I included is the song. I can't actually bring myself to listen to this, so I'm not sure.

In case you missed it....

2009-05-20T06:03:00.001-04:00

Here’s JT on SNL again 2 weeks ago as a follow – up to his Emmy award – winning D*ck in a Box performance a couple of years ago.

Justice for James?

2009-05-19T06:16:00.002-04:00

According to the latest issue of Vanity Fair, Oprah has taken time out of her busy grilled chicken schilling & eating schedule to privately apologize to James Frey. Supposedly, James has been invited back to the show to discuss the fallout, but their schedules haven’t worked out for him to return.

I’m not incredibly pro-James Frey. However, I sympathize with his situation & why he felt he had to lie so that a fictional book became a memoir. What it comes down to is that she felt it was a decent book and that he was a good writer. The notion that A Million Little Pieces was a memoir added to the reading experience. Basically, if the reader thought that it was a great book, finding out that it was not in fact a memoir should not have detracted the reader from still thinking that it was a good book. It’s just one aspect of the book that wasn’t entirely truthful. The same could be said about autobiographies. You can read an awesome autobiographical book but at the end of the book, you, as the reader would have to admit that the person (or in some cases, the editor) putting their life on paper is going to subtract or enhance certain details.

On the other hand, I’m highly anti-Oprah. I feel that as much effort that Oprah put into publicly lambasting & shaming James Frey, she should feel the same obligation to apologize to him publicly. Scheduling conflicts be damned. For that reason, I have a question mark in the title of this post.

James Frey may have received an apology from Oprah, however, it’s too little, too late. And, until he receives an apology that’s on the same level (publicity-wise) as the public condemnation that she put him through, then there will always be a question as to whether or not he’s received an adequate apology.

Adventures in Suburbia, Part II: An Open Letter to Weeds

2009-05-18T22:04:00.002-04:00

Dear Weeds:
I am officially surrendering. I give up. You’ve broken me spiritually, emotionally & physically. While some people may think that I’m nutso for writing a letter to a living organism that’s incapable of reading – I wholeheartedly disagree. I’ve been fighting you for the past two years & I feel as though I know my enemy pretty well.
Between my own gut instinct & what the Discovery channel show Planet Earth has taught me about what’s going to happen to the planet once us humans have died off & weeds take over, there’s no doubt in my mind that you can in fact, read this, as well as my thoughts and already know what my next move is to combat you. I’ve even lain in bed at night thinking about my next plan of attack. Poison? Weed Preventer? Gasoline? Fertilizer? Fire? Exorcism? I’ve attempted most of these solutions. Saturating the ground with enough poison only to have damaged my gorgeous plants. You fight back by creeping in around my roses, making it impossible to get to you. Then, while in fits of frustration, I’ve mistakenly pulled out my pansies, petunias and lilies. Oh, & don’t think that I don’t know about my peonies. You’re the real reason why they haven’t grown in 2 seasons. I haven’t been able to prove it, but I bet if I dig deep enough, I’ll find a dandelion at the root of it!

So, I’m tired of spending my gorgeous spring & summer weekends crying, frustrated, pounding at the ground in fits of fury. Instead, I should be enjoying the outside, laughing gaily, spending time with my friends, and shopping. Therefore, weeds, I’m officially waving my white flag. I’ll let some other foolish homeowner try (and fail) at deluding herself into thinking that you can actually be controlled.
You are truly a formidable enemy. Well played, my friend. Well played.

sick day.

2009-05-18T09:16:00.001-04:00

i took a sick day today. i feel like crap and it seemed like a good idea. now i’m sure it was not a good idea.

why? because i’m watching “fear” and for the first time, i’m starting to admit to myself that mark wahlburg isn’t that bad of an actor.

someone call 911.

This.Is.Really.Gross.

2009-05-13T21:40:00.002-04:00

I saw a commercial for this contraption while at the gym tonight. The sound was off so I had no idea what they were advertising. I just thinking, whoa, they advertise for this sorta thing on TV now? Once I got home & googled this sucker, I realized that it's not even close to what I thought it was. However, it is a feminine device that's supposed to make you feel more confident. If you want to see how it works, check it out here: http://waterworkshealth.com/howto/video.html if you dare....
(Warning: Definitely not safe for work!)

What Guy Doesn’t Have a “Mancrush” on Jon Hamm?

2009-05-11T18:08:00.002-04:00

For us ladies that watch MadMen, we’ve had a crush on Don Draper, a.k.a. Jon Hamm, since the show debuted in ‘07. However, recently I’ve realized that Don Draper also intrigues men. I don’t know if it’s his good looks, his stylish wardrobe, the way he carries himself, or that he somehow manages to get all of the ladies. I think what’s appealing about Don is that his character is a mix between Tony Soprano (Sopranos), Vick Mackey (The Shield), and Avon Barksdale (The Wire), meaning that his character isn’t squeaky clean – you know that he has some secrets, he’s human, his moral compass may be a little off – but for some odd reason you love him. On Madmen, he’s suave. When Jon recently guest – starred on SNL, he was hilarious and when he played Liz Lemon’s love interest on 30 Rock, he was charming. What’s there not to like?

Some guys that admittedly have a man crush on Jon Hamm are Greg Berendt (He’s Just Not That Into You), my husband & my friend’s husband. And, I’m pretty sure that if my brother watched the show he would like Don, too.

So if there are any guys that want to admit that they, too, have a crush on him, it’s ok. We know that Jon Hamm is The Man so come on & join the party. We’ve been here since ’07.

Fashion Show is NOT the new Project Runway

2009-05-08T05:20:00.002-04:00

Ok, so last night Bravo debuted their replacement to Project Runway, Fashion Show. Their hosts are Isaac Mizrahi & Kelly Rowland. I think that the prize is supposed to be just to have your line displayed at a major department store *cough*, Target, *cough*. Umm, really?!? That’s it?! No hair & makeup sponsers like Tresemme or Procter & Gamble, or a cool magazine like Elle or a decent store like Macy’s? I guess all of the good sponsors left with PR, too.

First of all, Bravo just needs to deal with the fact that they lost their major cash cow & that their spin-off shows – Make Me a Supermodel, Top Chef, etc., - while they may be good shows, they don’t come close to the magic that they captured with Project Runway.

Secondly, in their attempt to copy PR, resulting from the lawsuit that The Weintstein Group brought against them did the judgment say that it could no longer resemble anything like the original? Even the title is whack – Fashion Show. The judges have little to no creditability – Isaac Mizrahi & Kelly Rowland? Really? What wisdom is Isaac Mizrahi going to impart? You can become a designer, achieve success beyond your wildest dreams, design for celebrities and then start a downward decline of designing mass produced clothes for a major chain store, design mass produced furniture for another chain store and have a show on Style network get canceled? Their second host, Kelly Rowland is even more pathetic than that. What the hell does she know about fashion? She’s just the skinny girl from Destiny’s Child and has been paraded around in House of Dereon’s basement fashions ( well, that & it’s rumored that she may be Matthew Knowles’s love child).

It’s just sad. And, as much as I hate to turn to Lifetime for anything other than the occasional showing of “Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?”, I’m going to have to cave in order to catch episodes of a show that I love so dearly.

Oh, I Get It! So, This is the female Michael Scott, right?

2009-05-08T05:16:00.002-04:00

As you may have heard, Parks & Recreation has been picked up for the fall schedule on NBC. I don’t know whether or not you’ve caught the show, but it’s basically Amy Poehler acting like a female version of Michael Scott from The Office. And, the other characters are similar to the characters on The Office, too. I think it’s sad ‘cause there’s obviously a lot of potential there with Amy Poehler (whom I love) & Rashida Jones (whom I’m warming up to). I just really wish that the writers of the show would let Amy be Amy. So here’s to hoping that next season the show’s writers will get a clue and make Parks & Recreation actually funny.

The SoUnpretty Contributors Guide to Surviving the Recession

2009-05-05T05:15:00.003-04:00

So, since that Bruce Johnston guy made a fortune from picking his nose, I thought of other ways that SoUnpretty contributors can try & make a fortune. If these are already taken, forgive me, I didn’t research to make sure these ideas weren’t already trademarked or patented. Jeez. I can’t do all the work people!

Ashlie - how about the Freaky Facial Hair 3000? The other morning, I was applying makeup while sitting in traffic & I was shocked not only to see by the harsh morning light that I had lots of facial hairs normally invisible to the naked fluorescent office light, but I had one particularly long one near my chinney-chin chins. I suggest that you discover a magnifier mechanism that detects that freakishly long hair & plucks it right out! In the meantime, I’ll go to Topper’s to get my whole face waxed, not just the eyebrows.

Beanorama - Write a book(s) on how everything in life – money, success, lifestyle, wardrobe, environment, happiness, health all comes down to the color Green. I picture this approach starting with cookbooks (green food is good for you) to wardrobe choices (everyone looks great in green, etc) to achieving Zen (if we step onto the grass while wearing green head–to-toe, we’ll perfectly balance the sky, etc.). You get the idea.

Flip Flop Girl - Even though the FitFlop idea is already taken – how about just going with the concept that flip flops are just plain awesome? From providing a practical solution to getting to & from the office when you get a pedi on your lunch break to great hanging out footwear, one recaptures the fun & careless days of their youth when one didn’t have to worry about bills, mortgages & kids. Maybe you can even have a camp where adults can come & run around all day in them? There are already camps that allow adults to reclaim their youth with specially designed summer camps/vacation destinations (http://www.grownupcamps.com/). Yours can be the flip flop experience.

That’s all I could come up with for now. If any jerks decide to partake on these ideas, I expect my usual 20% finder’s fee. That is all.

This guy has made a fortune from picking his nose.

2009-05-01T05:17:00.002-04:00

I saw a commercial for Breathe Right strips this morning & it hit me! When Bruce Johnston talks about how he used to use straws and paper clips to help with breathing and snoring it suddenly occurred to me that only in America can one make a fortune from something that one does as a daily hobby or occurrence. This commercial led me to starting thinking about business ventures for some of our other SoUnpretty contributors so that we too can become wealthy from our own habits or quirks...

Editors Have Power.

2009-04-28T06:31:00.001-04:00

wow. this blew my mind when i first saw it. if you haven't seen The Shining for real though, this probably will mean nothing to you. editors have such power. its amazing what changing the music, and adding a voice over can do to one of the scariest most disturbing movies ever.

I totally think that this is Will & Jada

2009-04-27T22:01:00.002-04:00

Ted Casablanca put up this Blind Vice on his website on Friday. The majority of the comments said that they thought that the couple described are Will & Jada. What do you think?

Hard-Nipple Nick is the hottest star, both bod-wise and at the box office. His wife's figure and professional goings-on aren't too shabby, either, as both Mr. and Mrs. Nick enjoy fame and fortune regularly up on the big screen—though his paychecks dwarf hers, big-time.

Yep, everything's pretty cozy Chez Nick, even the bisexual couple's agreement to have lovers outside the marriage. Instead of his-and-hers towels, they have his-and-hers sex partners!

And you guessed it, there's a girl for Mrs. Nick and...

A boy for Mr. Nick! And like the smart have-it-all couple they are, the Nicks chose other famous people to be their closeted lovers. Too crafty! Only problem being Hard-Nipple's boyfriend is married to an established actress who's growing increasingly peeved over the clandestine arrangement.

"He's starting to go out and fly him with him everywhere," a good friend to the Nicks told yours truly about Hard-Nipple taking the BF a few too many places as of late. "They're turning up everywhere together, and [the boyfriend's wife] is getting really pissed about it. It's going too far. It's only a matter of time before she spills."

Guess all those pricey little gifties to the wife for borrowing her hubby aren't as attractive as they once were?

Must say I'm a tad surprised to hear this latest development, as H.-N'.s always been one of the best in the Biz about keeping his preferred love life on the down-low. And now that it's flyin' high, guess a tabloid revelation is only seconds away from takeoff!

And It Ain't: John Travolta, David Beckham, Jerry O'Connell

Checkbook Hangover - def., adj., verb

2009-04-27T21:42:00.003-04:00

When one spends her/his paycheck with blatant disregard for bills that require immediate attention. The checkbook hangover is usually brought on by waking up on payday, seeing their newly inflated checking account balance and hence wantonly spending said money on-line throughout the day, in stores throughout the weekend
(fingers crossed, no less) and waking up suddenly on Monday morning only to deeply regret the binge spending & the walk of shame over to her/his computer to check one's account balance.

For example: After Miz Cynical purchased tennis lessons, a cute tennis outfit(s), work clothes and entertainment, she decided on Monday to turn her attention to the more pressing expenses in her life. I.E., utility bills.

Hangover cure – do checkbook balancing on Thursday, write checks on Thursday evening & have bills ready to mail by Friday morning, leaving very little opportunity to overspend on Friday & the weekend.

Possible side effects - this "cure" isn’t fun for anyone, now is it? Additionally, when would one be able to shop for herself if all the bills were paid? Riddle me that.

On unseasonably warm days like these....

2009-04-27T21:37:00.002-04:00

I can't help but wonder if some head honchos (or corporate fat cats) @ PECO are maniacally laughing at us and the thought of increased revenue due to cooling expenses. It's the only thing keeping me from cranking on the A/C in my house 'cause I know that I would be lining their pockets.

California, Here I Come!

2009-04-26T08:09:00.002-04:00

we just booked our trip to San Francisco and Sonoma in June. anyone got tips/advice on this excursion. i know, i know, san fran is cold, bring a jacket.

wtf is up with that anyway? i thought cali was a warm state? its so weird.

also-we are attending a wedding in sonoma. i have never been to a destination wedding before. do you still go all out for the gift? i feel cheap asking, but i was really curious what is expected of you when you are paying a lot of money all ready...

I have a friend named Dorkaline

2009-04-23T11:54:00.002-04:00

When you Google Image search "dorkaline" you get this:

She is so Chrissy.

Beanorama, as a lover of all things green...

2009-04-21T20:40:00.005-04:00

What do you think of these shoes? I'm torn between green, fuschia & blue. I feel that all of the colors would look great with jeans. Or, should I buy one in each color? If anyone else can help me with this critical shoe decision, I, of course, welcome your input.

Something good has happened.

2009-04-21T15:26:00.002-04:00

When I was in college, my roommate's dad owned a grocery store in Pittsburgh and I swear it was the only place that carried low-fat (or maybe 1/3 less fat) Kraft Macaroni-and-Cheese. (The kind that's made with the Velveeta pack, no milk added.) It. was. awesome.

Post college, I could never find it again and assumed it never took off. But! Just this weekend, in my local Pathmark as I was seeing how many groceries I could get with my last remaining $40, I found Kraft Mac-and-Cheese with the Deluxe Velveeta pack with 2% milk! Hallelujah!

It's the perfect mix of the TASTE of the better, fattier Kraft Deluxe (that's real fatty) and the less tasty, regular kind where you have to add water.

Delightful. Thanks, Pathmark. Thanks, Kraft! (Even though you ARE owned by a cigarette company.)

What I WOULD Do...

2009-04-17T09:17:00.002-04:00

i would let someone punch me right in the face if i meant that i could get within 10 feet of robert pattinson.

look at that dirty little smirk of his! yowsa, i do declare.

This is Why I'll Miss Lent

2009-04-17T05:24:00.001-04:00

McDonald's probably won't be selling or advertising their fish fillet sandwich now that Lent is over, but damn I loved this commercial.

Phases

2009-04-16T19:25:00.002-04:00

i'm in a rap phase at the moment. and i'm not talking kanye. i'm talking a hard core gangsta rap. old snoop/dr. dre shit. wtf is wrong with me?

i think i must be angry about something, but i have no idea what it could be. i'm liking my hair right now. and work is going well. i've got great friends and a reasonably crazy family. my dog's crazy as a loon, but that shit aint new. its spring. the weather we've been waiting for since september left out.

so what gives?

wait-i think i know what it may be...its this fucking annoying video that everyone can't stop fucking watching and playing extremely loudly.

What Do You Think of My Face Lift?

2009-04-16T18:56:00.002-04:00

i thought the old girl could you a new look or two. its been a long time with those dot thinga ma jigs.

let me know what you think...

i love new clothes, so why not treat so unpretty to a new skin, eh?

I'm Taking Back the Blog, Betch

2009-04-16T18:50:00.002-04:00

blog was the new journal.

twitter was the new blog.

twitter is getting twattier.

i want my blog back.

hey baby, its good to be home.

Classic mentos commercial

2009-04-13T13:14:00.001-04:00

I guess that this is the 90s version of this pop culture question. Recently, I just happened to wonder what happened to these two things - Mentos commercials & Haddaway. Random, I know. Anyway, I was enjoying the fruit flavored Mentos at work a few weeks ago (which is a very underrated candy, btw) & happend to think of their wacky commercials. Do you miss them too? I think in our stress-filled culture that we need to return to the simpler times of the 90s that offered minty solutions to a potentially stressful scenario. They were always so goofy & fun! Did anyone else think that they were shot in Canada or Europe? The lighting was always super bright & soft.

I can see it now - a young, hotshot stock exchange guy that's watching the market crash & while he's contemplating jumping out of window, he realizes that he has some Mentos in his pocket. Problem solved! Have a Mentos! The freshmaker! Sometimes you just need a breath mint to make light of a confusing and/or stressful situation! I'll have to remember that myself when I need to try to stay fresh, cool & full of life!

Do you remember "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"?

2009-04-13T12:50:00.003-04:00

This movie was on the other day & I couldn't help but remember how when this movie came out, it was supposed to be the cutting edge of special effects & cartoon artistry. It just looks hilarious by today's standards when you see movies like Ratatouille ( which is the last animated movie that I've seen) and the characters are so life-like, even down to their hair. I think that I'd really feel old if I saw All Dogs Go To Heaven or Fievel (which was the first animated cartoon that I saw on a VCR, right after watching E.T.).

Would you drive this?

2009-04-13T12:44:00.003-04:00

GM/Segway introduced this P.U.M.A. last week as a way to cut down on vehicle emissions. Just like when the Segway was initally introduced, this thing is supposed to change the way people get around in cities and metropolitan areas. I think that GM should focus their energy and government bailout money on coming up with ideas that seriously reduce our carbon footprint on this planet. I think that the P.U.M.A. would be fun to try out for a day, but there's now way I would buy this thing.

Do you know the answer?

2009-04-13T12:30:00.002-04:00

I love reading Ted Casablanca's Blind Vices on Eonline.com. I think that I have a pretty good idea as to who the subjects are to this Blind Vice? What do you think?
Double cocaine-addiction alert, babes!

But first off, gotta say it's a brutal Biz out here in Hollywood. Instead of keeping up with the Joneses, you have to keep up with the Richies. Thin will unfortunately always be in because every actor's worst nightmare is Jessica Simpson's last couple of months.

Meet Slurina Thigh-Disaster and Bart Farts-a-Lot. No relation between these two, except that they share the same nasty diet trick: nose candy. Yep, Slur and Bar are two of the more recent stars to shed their extra fluff, and we're not talking Jenny Craig here folks.

More like coke. Mountains of coke. See, Slurina's legs (and other appendages) are a disaster not because of her chunks, rather they seriously aren't there anymore. It's like they've disappeared or something.

Ever since that pic Slurina did a while back called Crimson Scorpio, for which she lost a shocking amount of weight, many folks have wondered where the hell that new figure came from. The same place where a lotta of T-town, stick-thin starlets like to get their stall on.

Weird, too, 'cause Ms. Thigh-Disaster used to be a bit on the plumper side, but always so healthy. Result of hew new figure: More roles, yeah, but she's also getting a rep for making vulgar scenes due to her constantly jumpy nature, regardless of whatever celebratory occasion she may find herself in. But she just can't get enough of this white stuff.

So unlike Bart:

This guy is most decidedly not a fan of the nose devil. In fact, he really doesn't like it at all. But he was forced to lose his happy poundage and didn't know what else to do...or snort. People like to laugh at a chubby actor, but won't swoon over one. He's told friends that coke is the "only thing" that will make him stop eating. So he does as much as he can to curb his appetite. Gross.

Jeez, what ever happened to some good ol' fashion diet and exercise?

And it ain't: Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Jessica Simpson

And it also ain't: Brendan Fraser, Jason Segal, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

I think that they male blind vice is Seth Rogen. Ted also confirmed my guess when he wrote this on 4.8.09: And Seth Rogen is slowly slipping away right before our eyes! The skinny thang just doesn't look right on him. It's like trying to picture a six-pack on Will Ferrell. So not right.

You can tell he's über uncomfortable, no longer being the jolly fat guy with the jokes, and if you're thinking he's healthier by dropping all that weight—not every way a guy gets thin is exactly good for your bod, ya know.

I think that the other coke addict is Christina Ricci. I'm curious as to what you guys think & why. Delicious!

Time for new postings!

2009-04-13T12:25:00.002-04:00

I've had a few posting ideas recently that I've been waiting to have time to put up. I realized that so much time has passed since I've updated SoUnpretty that my autofill on my internets no longer remembers the web address. Rut-roh! So, here we go! It's been a while, so I apologize if my blogging/snarky comments are a bit off right now.

Is Lindsay Lohan anorexic or what?

2009-01-28T21:47:00.002-05:00

Has anyone seen the recent photos of LiLo? Rumors are flying again that she's battling her eating disorder again (or cocaine) & there was even some sordid story that she & Samantha Ronson are in some twisted self-image competition to see who can be the thinnest. More importantly, I'm still trying to decide whether or not her boobs are real. She seems to be the only chick that manages to drop major poundage & still have large breasts.

To me, that's what inquiring minds really want to know.

Start.Watching.This.Show.Now.

2009-01-28T21:37:00.002-05:00

I apologize for my obnoxious use of punctuation in the title, but that's how strongly I feel about this great show. Season 1 was awesome & Season 2 just started so it's not too late to get caught up. Glenn Close kicks a**. It's on Wednesdays @ 10 p.m. on FX. Since nothing else good comes on at that hour, what's your excuse not to watch it?

P.S. - if anyone starts watching this show & loves it, feel free to update me regularly since I don't have DVR & it ends past my bedtime, I frequently fall asleep during the show & miss the ending :).

I can't wait until February 17th

2009-01-28T21:28:00.002-05:00

First of all, if you're one of those jerks that hasn't upgraded their tv yet, please do so that I can stop hearing the commercials. However, I doubt that any technologically advanced SoUnpretty readers would be so behind as to still have rabbit ears & an analog tv :). I just want February 17th to arrive so that we can stop seeing the commercials. However, I know that there's going to be some major technical difficulties for people that didn't get the message over the past year (I'm going to include my mom in this group) & we'll continue to see the commercials. Like winter, I give the commercials another six weeks before it's over.

My New Favorite Group: Kings of Leon

2009-01-28T21:22:00.002-05:00

So, I first heard of this group at a U2 concert back in '05. They had opened for them & I thought had done a damn good job. I was able to find their stuff on Itunes, but hadn't heard any of their music on the radio. Fast forward almost 4 years later & I can't drive to/from work without hearing at least 1 of their 2 new songs, Use Somebody & Sex on Fire (I'm assuming that "fire" is the good kind of fire, right?).

Anyway, if you haven't heard their music yet, definitely check it out. It's pretty good.

Did you ever have one of those days...

2009-01-28T21:17:00.002-05:00

when from the moment you wake up all you can think about is going back to bed in the evening & snuggling under your nice, warm covers to shut out the dreariness of the day? Yeah?
I've been having that kind of day all month.

It's that time of year again.....

2009-01-24T17:14:00.002-05:00

Time for Irish potatoes! My favorite is the homemade kind, but since I don't know anyone who's willing/able to make them for me (*cough* hubby, *cough*), I've had to resort to buying them from the grocery store. Whichever style you prefer, I still think that they're delish.

Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!

2009-01-20T16:08:00.003-05:00

My first niece, Nora Elizabeth Burke, is here! And ain't she amazing?

GUYZ. Remember Mouse Trap???

2009-01-05T14:36:00.002-05:00

This game was the balls!

Purging.

2008-12-31T07:54:00.002-05:00

I am packing up my apartment, and these are some of the things I am giving away. Give me a holler if you want 'em:

really pretty, brand-new frame from Anthropologie
Season One of The OC (the best season)
a photo album from Honduras made of all natural materials
a mirror made of hammered tin and blue moon tiles
a vogue cover

It's our third Christmas together.

2008-12-22T17:09:00.002-05:00

...and I still love The Rubes. How can you resist a cat when she nuzzles her head into your hand then falls into a deep sleep? Precious.

Oh my goodness.

2008-12-22T15:47:00.000-05:00

I guess it's time for a new timing belt, or so I am told.

Couch for sale.

2008-12-12T09:52:00.002-05:00

Please. Pretty please. Someone buy this couch. BEST OFFER.
Craigslist listing is here.

This is what is wrong with America.

2008-12-12T09:42:00.003-05:00

Forget the economy, recession, blah blah blah. This is what is wrong with this country: that some market researcher actually decided that this item might sell as a potential Christmas gift -- a battery-operated, singing toy Jeep with a dead deer on the hood. Gross, man, gross.

Chair obsessed.

2008-11-30T22:08:00.003-05:00

For the past three nights I have been dreaming about chairs. On Black Friday, instead of going to Best Buy and Radio Shack for super sales, I hit up literally fourteen furniture stores (mostly resale). I have been constantly scouring E-Bay and Craigslist using any combo of the following: danish, danish modern, mid century, vintage, chair, armchair, chaise.

I found two chairs at Uhuru. Two hours and much sweat later, we returned them (for store credit only - boo!) b/c we couldn't get them up the stairs.

Then - eureka! After hitting refresh, refresh, refresh, a new chair appears on Craigslist! And it's awesome! And I call... and the woman says she'll email me the measurements! And all night I dream about the perfect chair! I call all my friends! And the next morning it is SOLD - NOT TO ME! Whaaaa?

But, the danish modern gods were looking out for me because some poor sap's wife din't like how the amazing chair had a little rock to it. So I shlepped in the rain to Hatboro PA and look what I have now:

a most amazing 1963 Danish modern chair in aqua. Love love love.

I may be super particular and annoying, but hey - it's working for me!

The Allure of Dark Nail Polish

2008-11-24T19:58:00.004-05:00

Last year, I was late catching onto the trend of dark nail polish. I didn’t realize that I liked it so much until I had a manicure done in about March, at the tail end of the dark nail polish season. However, this year’s going to be different! I’ve already spotted a couple of dark nail polish colors that I like – Revlon’s Vixen & OPI’s Paris collection. If dark nails appeal to you too, check out OPI’s website to pick your fave.